Anger

When was the last time you where angry? Not frustrated, ANGRY! When the feeling starts to well up in the chest and the hateful words are at the tip of your tongue. Then… those words roll off the tongue with great power. You’re angry and everyone in the home is going to know about it! Isn’t that interesting? Especially speaking to my brothers here. When you’re sad hardly anyone knows about it. But when you’re angry… everyone needs to know!

For years anger controlled me. This may come to a surprise to those who don’t really know me. And some who do know me in certain settings. I’m often pegged as “relaxed, easy going, chill” & thats true, most of the time. My home is filled with a great peace but it wasn’t always this way. In my early and mid 20s I was what you would call a fire ball. While I still had a “easy going, chill” side… it existed on a short fuse.

That One Hurt

The year must have been 2017 or 2018 I had just been baptized and started my walk with Jesus, officially. I had one big demon I was trying to crush. My anger. I have plenty of other character flaws… but anger needed my utmost attention. For months I would be holding it all together. Biting my tongue till one day BOOM- I WOULD LET IT ALL OUT! If I was angry everyone would know about it. I’m professional at using words that cut deep. Words that cut so deep that they would leave a hurt of those closest to me for months after. At this time of my life I felt like I’d take 2 steps forward then 3 steps back. Just when I thought I had mastered anger something would send me off the edged. I would build up trust that I could control my anger just to lose all the trust in one evening. My wife

Ashley Homol

said to me one day “Everyone & especially ME is walking on eggshells around you. We never know when you’re going to flip out” That one hurt. Here I am in a position of leadership. Operating a gym, helping people get physically fit (at this time I was not hosting retreats, the confrence or doing personal development coaching - obviously*) and the people around me are walking on eggshells because I am unable to control my emotions? I was setting world records in powerlifting and winning strongman shows but I felt so small. So weak!

Mastery…

This morning I’m doing my reading in Genesis and come across the topic of today message. It says ⁶ “Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? ⁷ You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” That one hit! We must become angers master*

Let’s dive into words*

Kabash* is the Hebrew word for subdue. The definition is similar but kabash holds more weight. It says “TO CRUSH”

Subdue* is the translation in my bible. Subdue by definition: to overcome, quite, or to bring under control. Read below and stay with me here… I’m about to bring a point home!

Why am I angry?

In order to overcome, quite, control or CRUSH anger you must better understand WHY you are angry. Theres a great visual I found and want to share with you. This better represents WHY you are getting angry. Cain was ANGRY (which lead to killing Able) because he felt not good enough. (Other emotions could surely fit the description as well) Because of that… he went on to commit the first murder. God warned him “Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you”

When You Feel

Unhappy, insecure, betrayed, unworthy, afraid, not good enough, not respected (especially as men*) the knee jerk reaction for so many is expressing anger* The enemy has been using anger to control humans since the very beginning. This is why God is so clear with his instructions. We must quite anger. We must become its master, WE MUST CRUSH ANGER!

Truth

Knowing the truth about my anger began to quite it. I wasn’t angry… I was insecure. I wasn’t angry… I felt disrespected (which leads to feeling insecure) I wasn’t angry… I felt like I wasn’t good enough. The beautiful gift of awareness. Now I know the truth. Now I know the root cause of why I’m angry.

Reality

I’d like to say that once I had the awareness of the root of my anger I became angers master. But that would be a lie. The wresting match with anger would continue. But not for long or should I say “as often.” My outburst of anger would become further and further apart. When I felt anger I would take time to process what I was really feeling. Coming into contact with that feeling allowed the anger to dissolve within me.

On the practical side

Go for a walk, spend time in nature, pray about it, read the Bible about it, breath work, ice baths, sauna, a hard workout- all played a role in my processing.

Mastery

Have I became angers master? It appears so. Perfect I am not. But no longer does anger control me. I’ve created a lot of space and time between the man I once was. I’ve learned to tame the beast, to control it and to crush it. I teach a simple (and hard to hear) perspective to the men in my Do Hard Things Community. This is the same question I had to ask myself over and over : “If every time I’m angry everyone knows about it… what makes me any different than a toddler throwing a temper tantrum? How weak to not have control of myself* How could anyone trust or respect my leadership (in and out of the home) if I can’t even control myself?”

Suppression doesn’t work

You will not be able to suppress anger for long. It will come out in a multitude of ways: verbally/ physically abusive, through substance abuse, gambling, passive aggressiveness, screen addictions (social media and T.V)… etc. You can’t hold on to anger very long before it starts to erode your soul. Your relationships. Your career. Your life. From the inside out. If you continue to allow anger to be your master you will be but a hallow, weak version of the man you could be.

A Call To Action

The enemy is crouching at your door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master. Start today! It’s never to late

Do Hard Things

Master your emotions