Regulating Emotions — Plus 24 Hour Challenge!!

Had a great conversation going on with my group the other day. We were discussing life and the results of our actions. Even deeper the discussion went and we got into what our life looks like directly on the other side of adveristy. When troubles of any kind come our way— “What is my immediate response to problem(s)” This was a great conversation because it began to uncover what is already inside us. I have a great visual for this. I’m able to capture it best in a video. Check it out here:

The example is… when life throws adversity, problems and pain— what is already inside of me is what is going to come out.

If I’m already angry inside— expect anger to come out

If I already the type to shut down and suppress- expect to shut down and suppress

If I am already the type to be sarcastic and passive aggressive -expect sarcasm and passive aggressiveness

Quick Side Bar… but this is relevant

I too often think that it’s the person or problem that MADE ME feel that way. But the reality is… no one can make me feel anything. I choose how I feel— (yes, sure… some people and situations are insufferable and can certainly aid in my unhappiness.. but still I must be honest with myself) if I don’t take ownership of how I feel—I will be consistently emotionally yanked anytime someone or something doesn’t fit my likings.

When I first came into this learning I had a lot of push back. People can be assholes! …and the kids can drive me nuts. Like my screaming toddler yesterday while we was on a walk… And certain situations… Well, they just suck. What do you mean they can’t make me feel angry? Well, you know, they can make me feel those ways if I allow it. But now that means my happiness is subjected to whatever mood someone else is in. Or whatever situation I am experiencing. Can you see how much of a problem this is? Now I can only be happy if you are happy. I can only be content if the world around me is just to my liking. Naturally this leads to a ton of control issues of trying to rearrange reality to be perfect by my standards. That obviously leads to stress, anxious energy and whatever other unhealthy emotion is under the surface.

The ultimate challenge in life is self mastery. To be one who can master his emotions— not other people or situations. But the self. Most will avoid this forever because it’s uncomfortable. It’s the ultimate DO HARD THING. The 24 hour challnege is a guide in the right direction. One I go back to and lean on frequently. You can get it here— it’s free! GET THE 24 HOUR CHALLENGE

Alright, Alright Alright

What’s already inside of me is going to come out when life shakes me.

When someone cuts me off in traffic—

When the kids are acting crazy—

When my wife and I are not connected—

When my heart is in a place of anger— anger will come out in traffic

When my heart is in a place of frustration — frustration will come out on my kids when they are acting crazy

When my heart is in a place of resentment— I will resent my wife when she try’s to connect/ share with me.

At first… you might get defensive about this. “If they would just do XYZ and respect me I wouldn’t feel this way!” — thats true. But none the less they are doing XYZ and that hurts because you’re not being disrespected. And you’re still (hurting, angry… insert any emotion you feel)… after the fact. Now you hold this emotion. It’s inside and going to come back out as soon as life shakes you again. It’s the posture of the heart.

DO HARD THINGS

-Zach